I'm sorry I called you a bitch.

I'm so This is going to sound really stupid I'm really Alright I know you're going to say Look, I know neither of us are particularly sentimental outside of the occasionally stupidly cute comment that makes the both of us want to be sick in our mouths but I am so glad it was her and not you. That doesn't sound right. What I mean is that if anything were to happen to you I'd be really put off. That's probably not strong enough. I'm

I'm really glad that we're moving in together so I can keep an eye on you. Not that you can't take care of yourself. But if something happened I'd Oh, fuck it all

You alright?

Do you know how bored I am, Dinah? I am incredibly bored. I'm probably more bored than anyone has ever been bored.

I'm also drinking alone. This is really sad and boring. I am looking forward to drinking with you, or possibly just drinking alone in a flat that you also happen to inhabit.

Entertain me.

So. Orgasms.

I fucking hate this. The fuck should I cover for Greyback all the time and look like an arsehole/idiot in front of the other blokes when I push for us to take something as a false alarm and then some fucking kid goes missing? I'm fucking good at my job. I'd have loved to see some action tonight. But no, I have to spend my evening responding to minor code violations in East Midlands while that fucking creature is out gutting nine-year-olds and turning new werewolves to his pack, which, oh right, means I'm not allowed to kill them or maim them because that would be doing a disservice to the Dark Lord.

Fuck that. I joined the WCU to take out werewolves, not to protect Fenrir and friends from the law. The fuck do we even need that mangy thing for, anyways? He may be a half-blood, but he's no better than a house elf as far as I'm concerned. And that Gumboil kid was a half-blood. A human one. I don't care how muddled he was, he was still proper magical. This is such fucking bullshit.

If I have to give up another one of my full moons again for that asshole, I'm going to Malfoy Who the fuck am I kidding? I'm not going to say anything to anyone. Shit.

I could really go for that drink. Soon. Also: you're paying.

Two things. One, I need to ask you something but you have to promise me you won't take it the wrong way. Two, tomorrow is the full moon and I would like very much to come over tonight because what if I die tomorrow?

Surely this would be the perfect opportunity to offer my services as Fellow Generally Friendly With The Scum of the Earth and offer to find out Fab's exact injuries for the good of the team. And it certainly might make the higher ups hate me a bit less. But damned if they go after him and I lose one of my best drinking partners because I had to go and run my mouth.

Those stuffy Death Eaters are mostly shite at parties, anyways. And Fab's pure. No sense in making him a target. Although if he is one of those vigilante people, that certainly makes things... awkward.

Alright, I've decided. I don't want to know what his injuries are. Better to just keep him a drinking friend, aye? No sense mixing business and pleasure. Right. Fuck, I want to kill something.

Sorry about disappearing like that last night, though from the looks of things I wasn't the only one who had to leave the party early. Were all you DMLE fellows alright? Late night calls are a bitch; more so, I'd wager, when one is intoxicated.

Oh, and happy birthday, again. Other than the mayhem and murder

Apologies for leaving go doubly for you, love. Did you have a horrendously dreadful time without me?

Do I have to buy you flowers and sweets again this time, or can I just ask you out?

I sent her flowers and asked her on a date proper and she said yes and then I said something stupid about how much I fancy her etc etc. I have officially become a woman.

So am I meant to relinquish my genitals now, or after the date? Because I'm fairly sure she's not a lesbian. Although that would be awesom

So. Remember how you like honesty?

You certainly left in a hurry.

If I were to hypothetically tell you that I hypothetically took an eighteen year old girl home and hypothetically engaged in actions that were shall we say less than chivalrous, how would you respond?

Also, Dinah's coming along to the drunk Quidditch match Friday. Hope that's no trouble.

I don't want to devalue our previous excursions, but, um. I hope you wouldn't be offended if I said Saturday was significantly more exciting fun interesting than getting kicked out of a zoo.

Good news! She definitely does not have a boyfriend. More good news! She definitely isn't a Mudblo has fantastic tits. One final piece of good news to round things off! You're allowed on pub crawls again.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fucking motherfucker. Shit, bollocks, arse, tit, wanking bloody bell-end cunt piss balls.

I don't even have enough firewhiskey to get drunk.





Fuck!

My head hurts He's dead Well, I'm not the second body Dieter Lestrange had his balls blown off I'm sorry

Lestrange died.